A thought that I repetitively have been struggling with is the question: should I engage in ideological struggles of society? For example, should I engage in the battle of the hearts and minds when it comes to people’s attitudes toward homosexuality? And how about the choice between democratic systems, does the continental system of proprtional representation function better or worse than a winner-take-all system and should I commit to changing the winner-take-all system in New York state to a propertional representation? Without a doubt, the impact of such a change would be dramatic on the whole American system in the broadest sense and not only that, it is also feasable! Or perhaps I should actively fight for raising environmental awareness and help create a wide public support in America for taking radical action to stop global heating. Surely, the value of such action is priceless and the future survival of the planet depends on its outcome. Or perhaps, I should fulheartedly fight the most enlightened battle of the last 500 years, the struggle against the ignorance of religion and advocate the empowerment of the individual reasoning. But should I, I who would be deported if trying to vote in America, I whose greenhouse gas emission lies below the level of 2.5 ton Carbon Dioxide per year, or I whose interest is purely cerebral, I whose talent is certainly not to build social alliances nor who finds pleasure in mankind.
I have strong opinions but without social-economic based interests, ideas are powerless. I do not believe in the conviction of ideas, the power of reasoning is like the power of a breeze on the waves of the ocean. That is, the self-conviction of ideas is undeniable, but also evident. However, the conviction of ideas, however meaningless in a debate, are essential to the emancipation, and thus the liberation and equality, of the individual mind. If any issue that effects society, the mass of mankind, lies close to my heart, it is the issue of empowerment of the mind, education and liberation from the fetters of religious mischief.
But then, I cannot drop the feeling that such engagement is a waste of my efforts. The regret not making a single strife to improve this world, lasts about two seconds before I remember, I don’t care. Save, save who? These tailless monkeys who cannot control their food intake, whose only intellectual effort is their next joke, for whom satisfaction is their only desire. Honestly! I cannot care longer than the two seconds that my romanticly sympathetic delusion, my abstracted impression of man lasts, more defined by sketched lines of white chalk on a blackboard, a teaching to myself, a childish understanding of man, than the succulent flesh whose pounding heart stirs its thoughts without delay, like pebbles being dropped in pool of mud, that is the clay of mankind. And immediately I feel betrayed like Frankenstein horrified by the monster he created or like rabbi Judah Loew who rubs the ‘e’ of ’emeth’ from the Golem’s fronthead to stop it from causing further harm. And I confess, always the outcome of this struggle is the same, this truthless being lies not within my heart.